What ever next

Dear people of breeding, 
No doubt you have been most upset at the lack of any little posts from yours truly and I do apologise for causing you any angst.  The truth is I had the most embarrassing thing happen with the local Vicar, and although it did happen almost a year ago,  it's taken me this long to recover.

I really cannot imagine why my Butler thought he could use the Hoover to keep my statue of David free of dust.  A simple goose feathered duster would have sufficed.  But in his clumsy attempts to remove the dust he also removed an important part of my statue's anatomy.  Since you are people of considerable breeding I am sure I do not have to resort to the kind of crude language the Antipodean philistines use to describe such an anatomical part.  To make matters worse he tried to glue the afor mentioned part back on the statue. 

I remained oblivious to what had happened when the Vicar came over for tea one afternoon. 

I served tea in the morning room so the Vicar could admire my view of Sydney harbour. If he had moved his chair into a different position things may have been quite different.  But he chose to sit perilously close to the statue of David and while holding out his cup for another spot of tea a certain anatomical part from the statue fell into the Vicar's teacup with a most ghastly splash.  I am sure that the colour of my face matched the garment he was wearing.  The Vicar gave me a horribly questioning look as if he thought that this ghastly incident was somehow connected to me. And then when I hurriedly informed him about my incompetent butler, the Vicar suddenly announced that he had promised to pick up the manure for Mrs Beanie's rose bushes from the gardening centre, and left in a most hurried manner.  Heaven only knows what he thought of me.
Naturally I fired the butler forthwith.
A most embarrassing day.  But for those of you who are concerned about the statue's missing anatomy it has now been firmly re-attached and I am thankful to say that apart from the Vicar, and any members of his congregation, nobody else is any the wiser about this unspeakable incident.
Yours most embarrassingly,
Lady O.